Wanting to be certain I had the right words, I have been waiting to write this post. The longer I waited the more certain I became that there are no right words. I can only share what is on my mind and in my heart. So here goes…
Jane Maund Mobley was more than a sister-in-law to me, she was a sister and a friend. Losing someone is never easy, but a loss so sudden and tragic only adds to the devastation. Saying goodbye to Jane has left all that knew her broken.
During the funeral service Keith Dixon made a statement that I’ve tucked away in my heart. He said that when people see March 29, 1970 - Nov 15, 2011 they will see when Jane was born and when she died. However, friends and family will see the dash. The dash signifying Jane’s life. The path her journey took her on. How she loved, what she stood for and how she lived. Even though her journey was cut short, Jane truly lived. She loved her family and shared some funny stories each time you spoke (most often about the girls). She stood for what was right, not what was easy. She lived each day with a song in her heart and a smile on her face. She always found the good in any situation. Jane was many things to many people, but one thing she was to everyone was kind. She leaves behind what she treasured most, a loving husband and two beautiful daughters. There was never a time when she wasn’t thinking of others. She was dreaming of a coastal life but thanking God for all she had in the here and now.
So I live in the middle of nowhere…well not nowhere, but a small town were nothing ever happens. Let me just say I am grateful to live at the corner of the sticks and boondocks. This place where nothing ever happens sure is a place of great people. It’s a place where people will stand in line for over two hours just to have a minute to tell you how sorry they are. A second to say I’m here for you. A moment to hug your neck. A chance to ask what can be done. An opportunity to cry with you or wipe your tears. A look back with a story of some funny times. A heartfelt memory of how Jane touched their lives. It’s a place people will drive over two hours for a funeral and then wait in line for three more just to show you they care. It’s a place with words of encouragement, hot dishes, sweet treats, phone calls, emails, nightly visits and most importantly prayers. A place grown men are not ashamed of crying. A place where a friend will bring you tacos because she knows they are your child’s favorite. A place with voices of angels. It’s a place I gladly call home.
Even though Jane isn’t physically here any longer, she will always be apart of our lives. Simply because she lived life to the fullest, leaving us with memories to treasure. When she left Tuesday morning she could not have imagined it would be the last time she would kiss Wayne. The last time she would hug the girls. The last time she would pet Pepe. The last time she would clean off the bathroom sink. The last time to look around the new kitchen of which she was so proud and lock the back door. No, she did not know there would be no tomorrow.
As I’ve gained weight I’ve noticed that I have taken a step back. A step back from those I love and things I enjoy. I let Tracy go alone to places and events. I leave Matthew to entertain himself and stopped playing with him as much. Plain and simple, I am just embarrassed. The hole in my heart has made me reevaluate a lot of my decisions. I am not promised a tomorrow, so I better stop letting today pass me by!
We are none promised a tomorrow. So what will we do with our today. I for one have already made changes in my life. I’ve stopped depending on “I love you” to be enough for Tracy and Matthew. I get up out of the chair and go with them. Even though I have to hold him down, I sprinkle Matthew with kisses and shower him with hugs. I’ve left my phone on the charger and cut that string. I know our financial future is important, but I’ve stopped worrying about it so much. I am going to get the things we want and actually enjoy what our hard work has been about. I am going to tell my family what they mean to me. I am going to be certain my friends realize how important they are in my life. I am going to make memories. I am going to treasure the mess. I am going to hold them tight. I am going to turn off the television. I am going to share my faith. I am going to stop making excuses. I am going to be the wife I haven’t. I’m going to be the mother I was intended. I’m going to forgive. I’m going to be the type of friend I want to have. I’m going to treasure today so I won’t have regrets if tomorrow never comes. I’m going to be thankful. I’m going to sing along. I’m going to smile. To borrow the words of Tim, I’m going to live like I were dyin'.
You are not promised a tomorrow either. So, shut down your computer. Find your children and hold them close. Stop your husband and give him the kind of kiss you did when you first started dating. Call your mom and tell her thank you for making you the person you are today. Write your best friend a letter telling her thanks for listening to all your whining. Visit your bothers and sisters and tell them how grateful you are that they are your family. Get from behind the camera and be apart of the snap. Stop planning and live. Thank God for your blessings. Stop complaining about what you don’t have and praise the Good Lord for giving you so much. Go now… time is a luxury not a right.
1 John 2:10
“Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light, and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.”