Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Mom-isms

“Are you lying to me?  Close the door! You don't live in a barn.  Did you brush your teeth?  Don't ask me WHY. The answer is NO.”  Obviously the chick sitting next to me loudly chatting away on her cell phone in the doctor’s waiting room had never been told, “Watch your mouth!”  Here is how the one-sided phone conversation went:

Girl:  Whatzupwitu beyatch?

Girl:  I b at the doctors.

Girl:  U lyin!

Girl:  I sho told him.

Girl:  U know, my baby daddy.

Girl:  Oooh hell-to-the-no!

Girl:  I dun told him that if he don’t do the right thing, I b gettin half.  Half of every damn thang.

Girl:  Girl, u damn straight!  I not b like all his other baby mamas.  I gonna gimme minez. 

Girl:  Oooh hell-to-the-no!  I done b told him he wuz gonna see other side to this beyatch if he don’t step it up.

...Mrs. Sands, you can come on back...  Ummm... thank you Lord Jesus!

When I get home my own son was having a one-sided conversation because he sure wasn’t making any sense. 

Matthew:  Paco you didn’t tell me blah, blah, blah...

Me:  What?

Matthew:  Paco you didn’t tell me blah, blah, blah...

Me:  Matthew hush!

Matthew:  Paco you didn…

Me:  Matthew

Matthew:  Melissa

Me:  MAAATTTTTHHHHEEEEWWWW

Matthew:  Melissa

Me:  TRACCCCCCCY

Matthew:  que hysterical laughter

Me:  TTTTTRRRRRAAAAACCCCCYYYY, it’s time for judo and don’t skip any classes!

Tracy:  What are you trying to say?

Me:  That I live for more than Fridays!

2 comments left with ♥:

Tara said...

too fun-nay!! i wish i could have been a fly on the wall!!!

sfennell said...

Okay...I am hysterical with laughter now. I got a new sayin...I be hell to the no! You will have to demonstrate it I must make sure I get all syllables in that! I miss my BFF...whatcha been doin? Called u three times today..I be hellin to the no, now!

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